How to turn your photography into art with the help of Photoshop and Hasselblad H3D50

How to turn your photogrpahy into art with the help of Photoshop and Hasselblad H3D50

If you are any thing like me, a struggeling artist, your thoughts towards how you could turn your photography into real pice of art an make a living in the real artworld must have crossed your mind more than once . Well here it is the ultimate introduction to the artworld of photography and the only how to article you ever have to read.

To become rich and famous from your art you have to have the right combination of camera, software, computer and opperating system. This is vital to your future work so do spend more time on studying the opperation system and what photoshop brushes and filters can do to help your carrier, than to study art and art history.

To be able to succeed you wil have to have the Hasselblad H3D50 and the biggest and badest of either Mac desktop computer (preferably two of them) or the fastest PC (with the most amount of blue ligts underneath and on the side you can get)  with at least four screen hack.
On top of this you need Photoshop and access to all the online collection of brushes and actins you can fill your hard drive with. But do not forget to leave a space of 500 gig for your new image.

Now here is how you do it:
Go out with a Hasselblad H3D50 in murky weather. Set it to iso 50 and the spead of 1/8. On it you must have a 200mm macro lense for this to work. Now get on your knees. No no not to pray for this to work but in the flowerbed and get as close to the smallest flowerbud that you can get. Now in sync with the flowerbed you now sway back and forth (feel the rythm of earth to make this work) and try to focus on the moving flower. Dont worry to much its going to be blurry any way.

When you got the image go and start your nuclear powerplant so you can turn on the computer, the screens and the sterio on full blast (remember you will have to play Barry Manillow at least twice for this to work). So now you are all set for the session of the latest Photoshop 5 magick.

1.    import the image through Bridge and set every thing to auto, except the saturation, you do want to pull that one all the way up untill your grandmother thinks she took your pills this morning not hers.
2.    Duplicate the first layer and run it throug a filter of your like, paint doub or something. Hey you are the artist you choose.
3.    Dublicate that layer and run it through motion blur. Please do not overdo it.
4.    put an extra layer on top and now with the graduate tool make a vignet in the corners. Old style is the cool style. I mean look at all those lomoscrappies.
5.    Make a new layer with the ALT – Merge option you just learnt from your latest photoshop tutorial. You must at least remember that.
6.    Now hope and pray that your computer is powerfull enough to run the new wet t-shirt contest brushes or what ever those artists brushes are named. Draw a line with the new brush and take a bath. Draw an other line and watch the game. So on you go through out the night until you give up. Then blurr the layer. Put it in soft light mode and sett it to 50%
7.    Now its time to flatten your image.
8.    After that you take the image an set it to 72 dpi 400 by 400 pixels.
9.    You goto Save for web ,make shure PS strips any information about you from the file info. You do not want to be contacted by anyone interested in the image as you will be occupied working on your next series of fame
10.    set it to either gif or jpg quality 8.
11.    flush the image to the net on flicker and facebook and you know all those places people like to look at picture.
12.    Try to smile and not be bothered about the comments you get.
13.    Yes it is clear that the image is not fully sharp, even though it is taken with a Hasselblad. No you did not want to use other lens. No this is a prime lense not zoom lens.
14.    NO it does not bother you that the horizon might be skewed
15.    No it dos not bother you that the image does not fall with in the rule of thirds
16.    No You do not think that the camera needs to go in for a repair.

when you have spent several days on defending why your image is looking this way. Point them over to this article in hope it might explain any thing to any body about your artistic life of hell, if not then take up kniting, at least you can weare your art even though you will still be hungry.